More Pain. No Gain.

I sometimes have this fantasy that I will walk away from it all, and I will just live a “normal” life … with no doctors’ visits, no drugs, and no tests. Ever. For the rest of what’s given to me.

Some days, like today, this fantasy is more like a nagging “can do” plan.

I have been bitter about doctors almost all my life, but since I moved to Utah it’s gotten worse. And no, it’s not just me getting older and having less patience. But it’s the lack of knowledge and care and, yes, knowledge of the doctors I have found here. I sometimes joke that the Medical Schools or America cannot flunk doctors! Can you imagine? Going to school for 6 years, investing all that cash and at the end of it, you can’t pass your graduation exams, and they won’t give you your diploma?! THAT can’t happen.  People would sue!

So, instead, they let them pass and they give them the degree to practice, to the worst and least prepared of them, but they make a deal that they will only practice in Utah – and thus we have what we have here. I am sure there is fine (she says with restraint!) medical staff around this state, but for now, for 4 years (almost), I have not found one!

My new doctor (because, yes, I am always looking for that “alright one”, at least) cannot diagnose my pain, in my gallbladder/ liver area, and all the other symptoms that come with it – bloating, GI changes, sense of fullness, rashes on my face, etc. He keeps ordering more (very expensive) tests, but all of them come back clean.

As you know, the endoscopy showed no ulcer on my stomach, so now, he wants a HIDA test, which can show problems with my gallbladder. Although, I have symptoms closer to celiac disease than gallbladder, but that’s another story …

That test is $1500 and right now, I can’t do it, because the one facility that does it around us is out of the drug necessary to do the test. Apparently, a “nation-wide” shortage. OK. It’s probably good timing, though, because I have not met my insurance deductible for this year, so I can’t pay that out of my pocket anyway. But in the meantime – can we do a celiac blood test? No, he says. Should I stop taking the meds for my cholesterol, which can cause gallbladder disease (he said!) – no, he says. Don’t change anything till we figure this out, but he won’t do anything else, other than the impossible to do right now gallbladder test … So, more delays.

Can you give me anything for my rash? No – because it’s near your eye, so I don’t know what to give you, but here, go to a dermatologist and he’ll figure it out! He asked me twice what I have put on my rash and told him twice that I have used Neosporin and Benadryl. Twice, while he is apparently typing notes into the computer. Do you think he got it?! Probably not …

In the meantime, my eyelid is peeling into my eye ball, and I am doubled up with pain, daily. Maybe around March, they’ll have the drug for the HIDA test and I’ll gather up some cash to actually pay for it.

But until then, it’s more delays, more tests and mostly – more pain.

What Has the World Come To?!

Happy New Year, everyone! I truly hope it’s happier and healthier for all of us!

I can’t even pretend that I have been “good” for the Holidays, because that was not in the cards for me! I wanted to eat all the traditional Romanian and American foods, and not worry about dieting. And eat I did! And gained weight I did – more precisely around 2 lbs – which is exactly what I lost before Christmas, since summer! So, I guess you can say I broke even.

I have been feeling poorly, though, which was no fun. This made me realize that this was probably the last holiday season when I paid no attention to what I eat. My body cannot take the “regular” foods and excesses, evidently, and my liver and GI system have felt the consequences for sure.

I sped up my doctor’s appointment from February to this week, because I must get to the bottom of where this pain under my right rib is coming from! I am up all night sometimes with it – and I have no idea what triggers it and what makes it feel better – it never does feel better. So, we’ll see. I know for sure it’s not ulcer – because a CT scan and an endoscopy later, there is no proof of that! Hoping they find something that they can treat.

I am also hoping I can keep up my treadmill walking, at least a couple of times a week. I have a new trick to keep me going: I downloaded the NPR app on my iPhone and I listen to Radio West while walking . I know I am not supposed to, that I am supposed to focus and savor every moment, and I am probably encouraging my Alzheimer’s with this new “trick”, because I am multitasking, but for now, whatever works is what I say …  

And this is very much a first for me, in many ways: if 10 years ago you’d told me I’d have a treadmill and that I would one day love listening to NPR, I would have called you nuts. I used to say “if you need to walk, use the road” and I used to hate NPR! But living in the desert and commuting more than an hour a day forces you to re-evaluate your radio choices. And now, I have several programs I am hooked to. I wish all my other weaknesses would be this healthy – to some extent. And with winter temps in the teens for 6 months out of the year, a treadmill is a saving grace. This is precisely why I never say “never”, really.

I don’t make resolutions, but for the new year, I made a wish: that I am at least as healthy as I was last year. Make it a great one, all!