It’s Yet Another Start

They say you’re not defeated when you fall down. But when you’re not picking yourself back up. And I am definitely one to always pick myself up, as long as I am able. And today I have yet another start.

You all know that I have had a love-hate relationship with exercising. And trust you me, it’s the biggest conundrum of my life. I am usually so disciplined in all the other areas of my existence, and I always want to do the best, in everything I set my mind to. Why can’t I put staying fit, and healthy and having a routine for making sure these things happen on my list of “to do” things, I have never understood.

Sure, it’s hard, but I do so many other “hard” things – like holding a job down, and over-performing, and paying my bills despite my expensive travel hobbies, and the list goes on. I guess the problem  is the missing of instant gratification. I just want to do 30 minutes of exercise and see the pounds literally drop off of me. Or see actual cholesterol dripping out of my veins, or something like that. And since there is a fat chance  that’ll ever happen (no pun intended), it’s easy to put it off.

The hardest thing is to stay focused on just walking, when I am on the treadmill. I opt for the treadmill  lately, versus the yoga mat, because I feel it in my heart better than the latter. I tried music, and I tried radio, as well. And sometimes either works only a little bit – because I still cannot stop watching the clock, and wishing 30 minutes or 45 or whatever I wanted to do that day has passed! And I watch the calorie count to reach at least 100, to be able to live with myself, at least…

Today, I found another trick to hold it and reach my goal. I figured, I do so well with executing what others give me as a task. So, I asked the treadmill to make the routine for me and all I had to do is just deliver. Like a good little student, I just needed to accomplish the task given to me. I selected one of the programmed workouts that came with the treadmill, it was 30 minutes long, and had various inclines and speeds, and I was not going to stop till the machine stopped me. And … I found the right music, too. It turns out that what pushes me is not crazy disco work-out music, but … zydeco. Hot, hopping Bayou music, folks. And I think all the lyrics about jambalaya and fried shrimp po’ boys and fried catfish are just extra-motivation to keep running.

The programmed routine is good for my short attention span, because every 1-2 minutes something changes in the routine – either the speed or the incline or both … So, you’re constantly doing something different. It was great! And great fun, for the first time ever, that I can remember.

And I burned more calories than ever before – and the proof is below. I know, I know, some people burn 1000 a day, or more, but … this is a giant leap for me, so I am going to take it!

I am going to Hawaii soon … and you would think trying to look good in a bathing suit has been motivation enough. But you know what – I am not even thinking of that at all! All I think about is the advice of one of my favorite writers, Anne Lamott – who says “we need to start where our butt is”. So, I start where my butt is, every day, and if my butt happens to end up on the treadmill, then, I walk. And instead of thinking of my slim figure in a bathing suit, I think of just my old, clogged up heart. I try to visualize always that with every step I take, I am gaining maybe one more heart beat … Trying to keep that focus. One step at a time. 

 

My new "achievement" ... 

More Pain. No Gain.

I sometimes have this fantasy that I will walk away from it all, and I will just live a “normal” life … with no doctors’ visits, no drugs, and no tests. Ever. For the rest of what’s given to me.

Some days, like today, this fantasy is more like a nagging “can do” plan.

I have been bitter about doctors almost all my life, but since I moved to Utah it’s gotten worse. And no, it’s not just me getting older and having less patience. But it’s the lack of knowledge and care and, yes, knowledge of the doctors I have found here. I sometimes joke that the Medical Schools or America cannot flunk doctors! Can you imagine? Going to school for 6 years, investing all that cash and at the end of it, you can’t pass your graduation exams, and they won’t give you your diploma?! THAT can’t happen.  People would sue!

So, instead, they let them pass and they give them the degree to practice, to the worst and least prepared of them, but they make a deal that they will only practice in Utah – and thus we have what we have here. I am sure there is fine (she says with restraint!) medical staff around this state, but for now, for 4 years (almost), I have not found one!

My new doctor (because, yes, I am always looking for that “alright one”, at least) cannot diagnose my pain, in my gallbladder/ liver area, and all the other symptoms that come with it – bloating, GI changes, sense of fullness, rashes on my face, etc. He keeps ordering more (very expensive) tests, but all of them come back clean.

As you know, the endoscopy showed no ulcer on my stomach, so now, he wants a HIDA test, which can show problems with my gallbladder. Although, I have symptoms closer to celiac disease than gallbladder, but that’s another story …

That test is $1500 and right now, I can’t do it, because the one facility that does it around us is out of the drug necessary to do the test. Apparently, a “nation-wide” shortage. OK. It’s probably good timing, though, because I have not met my insurance deductible for this year, so I can’t pay that out of my pocket anyway. But in the meantime – can we do a celiac blood test? No, he says. Should I stop taking the meds for my cholesterol, which can cause gallbladder disease (he said!) – no, he says. Don’t change anything till we figure this out, but he won’t do anything else, other than the impossible to do right now gallbladder test … So, more delays.

Can you give me anything for my rash? No – because it’s near your eye, so I don’t know what to give you, but here, go to a dermatologist and he’ll figure it out! He asked me twice what I have put on my rash and told him twice that I have used Neosporin and Benadryl. Twice, while he is apparently typing notes into the computer. Do you think he got it?! Probably not …

In the meantime, my eyelid is peeling into my eye ball, and I am doubled up with pain, daily. Maybe around March, they’ll have the drug for the HIDA test and I’ll gather up some cash to actually pay for it.

But until then, it’s more delays, more tests and mostly – more pain.

What Has the World Come To?!

Happy New Year, everyone! I truly hope it’s happier and healthier for all of us!

I can’t even pretend that I have been “good” for the Holidays, because that was not in the cards for me! I wanted to eat all the traditional Romanian and American foods, and not worry about dieting. And eat I did! And gained weight I did – more precisely around 2 lbs – which is exactly what I lost before Christmas, since summer! So, I guess you can say I broke even.

I have been feeling poorly, though, which was no fun. This made me realize that this was probably the last holiday season when I paid no attention to what I eat. My body cannot take the “regular” foods and excesses, evidently, and my liver and GI system have felt the consequences for sure.

I sped up my doctor’s appointment from February to this week, because I must get to the bottom of where this pain under my right rib is coming from! I am up all night sometimes with it – and I have no idea what triggers it and what makes it feel better – it never does feel better. So, we’ll see. I know for sure it’s not ulcer – because a CT scan and an endoscopy later, there is no proof of that! Hoping they find something that they can treat.

I am also hoping I can keep up my treadmill walking, at least a couple of times a week. I have a new trick to keep me going: I downloaded the NPR app on my iPhone and I listen to Radio West while walking . I know I am not supposed to, that I am supposed to focus and savor every moment, and I am probably encouraging my Alzheimer’s with this new “trick”, because I am multitasking, but for now, whatever works is what I say …  

And this is very much a first for me, in many ways: if 10 years ago you’d told me I’d have a treadmill and that I would one day love listening to NPR, I would have called you nuts. I used to say “if you need to walk, use the road” and I used to hate NPR! But living in the desert and commuting more than an hour a day forces you to re-evaluate your radio choices. And now, I have several programs I am hooked to. I wish all my other weaknesses would be this healthy – to some extent. And with winter temps in the teens for 6 months out of the year, a treadmill is a saving grace. This is precisely why I never say “never”, really.

I don’t make resolutions, but for the new year, I made a wish: that I am at least as healthy as I was last year. Make it a great one, all!

The Other Day

This time of the year is really hard for me to: 

1.    Observe my diet (as you can imagine) 
and 
2.    Observe the Nativity Fast during the days of Wednesday and Friday – which normally, I would like to observe, in preparation for the Christmas feast.

But the other day (a Wednesday), I managed to put together this very simple and very filling meal, for lunch – all vegan and healthy.

I was snowed in, and working from home, so I heated up some already cooked Bush’s vegetarian beans, full of fiber and lacking in all the bad fats, of course. And I paired them with some pickled green tomatoes that my mom so graciously canned for us this fall, from my garden, and with some slices of multi-grain bread.

It was the best lunch I have had in a while and I didn’t even feel like two pigs after eating it! 

The sweetness of the beans was so deliciously paired with the saltiness and freshness of the pickles. The bread just made it a whole meal! 

Just a word of caution for those watching their salt intake: the beans have quite a bit of sodium in them (for preserving, I am sure!). My sodium is low, however, so I am not watching that very closely, although it is recommended to be watched, if you have heart disease and normal or high ranges of it. 

 

The meal that reminded me of home: simple, unsophisticated, delicious and healthy, too! 

Of Ulcers, Stenoses and Cool Apps

I have talked about the annoying pain I have had all year under my right rib. The investigations they’ve done so far to find out what causes it were an abdomen CT scan and an H. Pylori blood test. The first one is an annoying hour being stuck in a metal tube that shakes like an everlasting earthquake (God only knows how closer to cancer I am now – I have had 3 such scans done so far this year for various things!!), the second one is self explanatory – just draw blood, send to lab and wait.

The CT scan looked for something to be wrong with any internal organs, but especially the liver and the gallbladder. They both turned out peachy. The blood test came back … positive and then some. The normal range stops at 1. Mine came back an 8. As always, in blood levels of badness, an overachiever. This site will explain what the infection with this bacteria does, how you get it and how it can damage your stomach.

So, I took two kinds of antibiotic for 10 days and hoped the bacteria was killed. Not sure if this is standard or not, but in the state I live now (which is very removed from anything “standard”) they won’t repeat the blood test to make sure the bacteria is killed. I had my new current doctor tell me that “the bacteria is probably still there”. Thing is, you don’t know if you have this, unless it’s bad enough that it made ulcers in your stomach which will start hurting – which they figured is where my right under rib pain comes from.

So, after the antibiotic, switching doctors and two more extra months, they scheduled me for an endoscopy , today. I have done this once before, and I dreaded it, because the general anesthesia made me incredibly loopy for 3 days and gave me tons of nausea. But I went ahead with it, because on top of the stomach damaging bacteria, I also have a long history of GERD with esophagitis , presumably from the years and years of medication and especially aspirin which I have taken for FH.

So, I wanted to know if there is even more damage to my stomach now, in addition to my esophagus, and that’s where the pain comes from.

Well, it was not an ulcer, after all, or at least not yet. They took a piece of the stomach lining and sent it to have a biopsy on it, so that they will find out if there is any damage yet, that might not be seen on the pictures the camera inserted in my throat today took.

So, the good news is: no ulcer. The bad news is: they don’t know, for certain, what causes my pain. But … if it is just my esophagitis, then (and this is more bad news) … I must take my acid reducing  pills religiously every day. Forever. The really good news, though, is that unlike the first time when I did this test, this time, the recovery has been pretty smooth. No nausea at all, and outside of some sleepiness, nothing really bothers me. I have eaten normal food, and I am now writing this blog – so, this is good stuff.

No more tests scheduled yet, to see if the pain might be from elsewhere other than my inflammation,  but both the GI doctor who did the test today and my general doctor suggested looking more into the gallbladder, with more topical tests (ultrasound vs CT scan). But nothing scheduled further, for now.

But the verdict today is: more meds, in the form of prilosec, or anything like it, that cuts the production of acid in my stomach, so that my esophagus can heal and not hurt so much. Of course, I sigh. One more thing to add to the cocktail.

And as I have said before: I would not mind this disease so much, if it stuck to its cholesterol values and its blood vessels. When the side effects from drugs and other symptoms spill into other organs, it kind of … makes my day. Not.

Another thing I realize now I forgot to mention so far this year is this new cool site/ app that I have signed up for that allows me to look into all of the test results and investigation that I have done over the years that I have seen the doctors in the state I live now. Pretty handy. Well, only, I am so flabbergasted at how much “stuff” doctors just don’t tell you … Maybe most patients just rely on doctors to tell them the bare minimum and trust that, but I am one of those people that wants to know details, and chemistry, and anatomy and whys and hows and  all the gory details. I think it helps me understand my body better and it helps me make better decisions. So, reading through the tests on my own, I found tons of new things, tests that show something is wrong somewhere else in my body that I didn’t know about (like a bone spur in my spine …). So, one word of advice, in the words of my mother: don’t leave the office without your own results and transcripts in hand, if you want to know it all and not just have of it.

One important such test is that I have a complete stenosis into the carotid artery that irrigates the front of my face (I forget which side, but I think it’s the right side). My new doctor is shocked (not new to me) that at 36 (which is when this test was done, 2 years ago) I had such an advanced atherosclerosis in one pretty large and major artery. He said there are no symptoms yet, because the front of our faces is extremely well supplied with blood by many, many other smaller vessels, but it’s still something to watch.

Of course, with the history of strokes in my family, this is pretty serious to me.

But at least, for now, no ulcer to explain my abdominal pain. And on that initial note: I am asking my husband to get tested for the H. Pylori bacteria, too, because – just a word of caution there: it is transferable from human to human. If you read the wiki article you’ll see it can wreak havoc on your stomach and other digestive tract pieces.